High School Reunions; the ghosts of relevancy. "I used to know yous" and "who are yous"

So my first blog went into what I dealt with at my high school. Yes it might be "fun and exciting" to see how everyone turned out. However, I was a definite loser. Maybe I was anti-social in high school or maybe I'm getting senile before my 35th birthday.

Many of the people I ran into during the reunion I did not recognize. Yes there are a few who purposely change their looks to entertain themselves. But after one changes their last names, have 3 kids, dyed their hair and became June Cleaver; how the heck am I to know who they are?

I've run through cliques of people I seriously never met in my life. You can see the resemblance between high school and now; but I would never care to.

My highschool had a 5 year, 10 year and 15 year reunion already. Most of the people I went to high school with still live down the road and across the street from each other. The self appointed celebrities moved into their parent's timeshares in Florida. Obviously, there is not much to do; or they just couldn't move outside of their cliques. I'm not sure, going to this thing is like walking into a time warp from high school fast forwarded to 15 years.

I had one college reunion already which was a blowout. After college, nobody thinks about high school until somebody finds you. Then they all do. Just because people have this need to compare and despair, or "see how everybody turned out" and the death grip from close knit hometown dwelling quilting bees sucks you in.

Like I mentioned in my first blog, I have very little in common with my high school peers; in two major ways. One major difference is I haven't "turned out yet" and they're not going to get me there. I'm not complacent regardless of how fast my own progress is. The next is that I'm not committed. I don't have kids to fawn over, which is what they love to do. Don't get me wrong, kids are great. I'm not ready for them yet and I'm totally cool with that.

The question remains as to why I'm involved at all with my class except that it is expected of me by current peers. I suppose everyone has to do this, but back to the point. Recognition.

My former best friend (from high school) gave me the scoop on the 10 year. She was one of the few I cared about, only because she was wicked cool and she made herself a commodity to me as a friend. She's one of the true blues, I had a few of them. But my former bff and I relied on eachother to survive high school. So she goes to this reunion then phoned me with the gory details about...
well omg everybody. If you get involved with one of these reunions, you have to keep your reputation up and impress at all times. Why? I'm not sure. But the relationships in reunions rarely dig deeper than that.

Everyone else fades into the background as far as I'm concerned. So through my bff, I heard that:
"... and ... got married and they're an ugly couple."
"... and the .... clique were there and they're still intimidating" (NOT! - My former bff is a wimp like the rest of my class).
"... has four kids and one's in high school."

BFF was lucky that she was my bff because I forced myself to stay awake through it all. Nobody got through Wharton? Who married into money? If there's gossip, it better be worth listening to. It's days like these I miss my college friends dearly- one of my college friends worked his way from a job as a delivery boy in college to a CFO at another publicly traded company-FACT. My other college buddy works at a bank and is still making memories worth repeating at a home cooked meal in the Hamptons. I have great friends from college and after.

But I heard a list of things from my high school bff about acquaintances and- deep down inside I selfishly absolutely resent her for not attending college with me, or going at all. As far as I'm concerned, she missed out even though I didn't attend the 10 year.

One of the bittersweet occurrences after high school is when you discover what BFF really means. It mean "best friends forever"-aka. friends of convenience until high school ended. Which was disappointing, because talking about high school people bored me to tears. I loved my life in college and after. I did miss having her around when I was out enjoying everything. She chose to get married and have kids right away.

In all of my selfishness- I am not upset with her for getting married. I'm happy this one guy married her. Although bff and I no longer speak, her choice to marry him is one of the few things I still like and respect about her. He's a good influence on her from the world outside of high school. He's ambitious and capable of having a healthy relationship with her without meaningless insecurities flooding into their relationship that keep people stuck in high school-at the same time he's a guy that any Joe can relate to with a scope of normality that thrives in his existence. It's nice to have that influence around when dealing with a group that can't leave the past.

So about the reunion, I finally got the scoop I was really digging for, candid OBJECTIVITY. From her husband. (yes thank god for bffs' spouses - they keep it real).

"I hate ...! ...all of those people were fat, uneducated and nasty". Bff's hubby adheres to standards that I abide to in social circles in my current life. The truth about many of my peers in high school is that they were very arrogant, but they're not snobs. They thought they were, but they're not. They're complete assholes. Snobs can validate their arrogance, and snobs are not without anything to offer for their companionship- at least esteem of some sort. A lot of people I went to high school with somehow assume some social authority without meeting any others (like I mentioned in my last blog, one of these credentials is diversity. Not an ultimatum except that they are openly racist).

I could very well be called an asshole too, but not in the same way. This group is high school. It's a "use or get used" group, ecstatic wannabes and worthless vultures.

But I found it weird to ask for attention and admiration from people I don't know. People knew me through my acquaintances, many never spoke to me. They knew me because of my friends, my siblings and who I dated. So 15 years later, I find them to be total strangers flooding me with life stories and pictures of their kids. How do you ask people who they are when they're embracing you as old friends? And the serious question is, what do they want?

A little history about high school. My Junior year- I was a nobody who caught the eye of a very known guy in a top clique at our school. Before then, I had my true blue buddies who I acquainted with because I actually liked hanging out with them. My true blue acquaintances were laid back, witty, attractive, intelligent, funny and confident. Wait! They were my imaginary friends, my acquaintances in real life were drowning in our insecurities. It was high school (dread). After this one guy expressed interest, all of the sudden I had a flock of "friends". Some people LOVE this attention, and through our insecurities we think we want this kind of attention in high school. People go out of their way for this kind of attention, some to the point of ruining their lives at that age with the hopes of being relevant.

Personally, I would love it if these were people who were fun to be around, like my old friends. But this crowd wasn't. It was like, well...holding press conferences. I was relevant, but I wasn't relevant. When people say they "lost themselves", I literally lost myself in a bullshit situation. This guy and I never ended up dating, which is great because I wasn't interested in him-popular or not. Which was weird for me, I thought I wanted the popularity. I instead found it tacky that guys would tell everyone they're interested in you before they approached you about dating. It was even tackier that the entire grade below me expected me to break up him and his girlfriend at the time. Looking back I realize what a snob I was, but I had every right to be. I had a bit of self respect and this guy was nothing more than a jerk. The lucky few in high school can see a jerk through the smoke and mirrors when they're there. Looking back, I realize that I was one.

I learned how that pressure works too. You cave in, and all of the sudden you're scandalous and hated. When you're hated at that school, the pressure is so thick that it's not worth attending. Rumors flew. The people I did like would've turned on me. I chose to "play it safe", I never returned the guys' "advances".

When this episode died down, I was socially irrelevant.

The same thing happened to my bff, but in lesser quantities. She stood by me while I took heat from a few, which is when I discovered the racism and other junk that influenced group. She was a true blue friend but I too think she thought herself above that clique as well. If she did, I would've been happy. But I noticed that certain people were her bff when she was dating one or two different guys- nevermind me :-) I'm irrelevant. BFF had 3 or 4 different BFF's when she was dating a certain guy. I took the backseat and enjoyed it.

Dear BFF, love ya! But sometimes it's nice to be invisible.

Like I said, the people at my high school with pure assholes. Later on that year, the social life fell into a deep well. I was trashed badly by a cheerleader, I discovered that the cliques were racist and half of my friends were "partying with the in-crowd" aka. doing drugs and getting knocked up.

It was then when I realized that I should've stayed at the other high school. Instead of dealing with all of this, I should've been working on my grades, college admissions, etc.. My parents were terrible about high school, they too were the ecstatic wannabes who thought I was going to run though the motions of going to college as well. I could've done better.

If anyone asked me for advice in high school, it would be this:

NEVER THINK OF YOURSELF TOO SMALL FOR ANY AMBITION.

Confidence does wonders for your academic performance.

Never underestimate the power of yourself, even if the social scene makes you feel otherwise.

Take the college classes in high school and take them as early as possible.

Make friends with the people you admire, all around, not just for popularity reasons.
It helps to be around positive influences. In my situation, I found friends who reminded me of who I was when I experienced the garbage in high school. Remembering your strengths gets you through some of the issues that comes with subjective and sometimes irrelevant crowds.

Be the best you that you can be, people of quality (including those in the popular crowd) will approach you as friends.

Listen to your parents when they provide guidance. I wish my parents would've unconditionally supported a geek striving for Ivy League admissions, unfortunately my own parents cared way too much about the bullshit.
If you get unconditional academic support from your parents, take it. Your parents really love you.

High school is a metaphor to 5 year olds on a playground. As long as the drama doesn't negatively affect the rest of your life, it means absolutely nothing.


Senior year, I chose to ignore the social scene. If I had to be a loner and read novels to get through it, I was prepared to do just that. It is we who make the social scene relevant, and ignoring it really works wonders to repel the negativity. Well, if you can ignore it. I never had to go there, drawing my own boundaries was enough for a few friends to keep me company that year.

The cheerleader who viciously trashed me the year before mysteriously became my friend senior year. The reason why she trashed me to begin with was because of something she was misinformed about. I was a dumb prop that was thrown against my class by the seniors that year. She was good friends with a lot of the seniors (the same seniors who hated the girls in my graduating class) and she got the scoop. She was a real bitch, but lest she wasn't stupid and it was water under the bridge at that point.

The other reason why I hated my high school so much is the faculty. Some were burned out, understandably. My freshman year, one idiot threw a dead snake at a teacher. By the way, this teacher was an immigrant. I never envied the job of a public high school teacher, even with their paid summer vacation breaks.

What hurts students the most in our educational system is not necessarily the lack of discipline but the lack of guidance for those with ambitions and goals in respect to what dramas we're currently dealing with as we go through high school. I did not get to focus and think about my own ambitions until I went to college, had I been more interested in the goals I know I would've strived harder with my grades in high school. I played sports and had no trouble working towards goals. Going through the discipline motions isn't enough.

Unfortunately, when I met with my guidance councilor with my own ambitions... he told me that I wasn't going to succeed at the college I wanted to attend. That is the wrong thing for a guidance councilor to tell anyone. First of all, he's a GUIDANCE councilor, his job is to provide guidance. He talked me down for reasons stemming from the political nature of our school, mind you I mentioned there was racism and other forms of bullying at our high school. Some of my peers made bets that I would flunk out of the school I attended.

Whatever. I not only graduated from the college he told me I would flunk out of, but I moved on to work in a very competitive field and I'm much better because I accepted the challenge. I'm not a CFO, but I have to share this advice:

DON'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE. Especially if they talk you down.

The other advice is to play sports and something else where you have to set goals and work for them. The character and confidence building is completely underrated by society in general- it's like nutrition. When you learn that you can do something, drama can't kill your efforts or your courage to set high goals for yourself.

I went to a private school my sophomore year where I was instructed by teachers who trained students to do well on their SATs. They were excellent teachers and I regret not graduating from that school.

When I reconnected with people from the past, on Facebook and elsewhere in my present life...the only people I can relate to are those who went to that private school and others I played sports with. For many of my high school peers, not only could I not recognize them; I can no longer relate to them. It's disappointing, but it is only bittersweet because I like my life now.

And as far as the former best friend, a mutual "friend" from high school decided to split us up by spreading malicious lies. I'm no longer in that town so the mutual "friend" has a monopoly on the social scene there. I speak to neither now. It was a horrible loss, I grieved the loss of a friend as a result of self-induced, mean spirited, pointless drama of Pandora and her ghosts.

I made my appeal and came clean, bff made her choice.

The other hindrance about reuniting with former classmates is the obituaries. I lost two former classmates this year. Fate always takes the ones you want around. One girl died of a bad drug interaction, that was a disappointment. She was "that girl who kept it real", a fun trouble maker and sadly missed; even if she were alive. The other was a guy that everyone liked on a genuine level; he passed on with brain cancer.

I will be the miserable bitch in a candid tone, but the rest from my high school who are suffering from illness now are enjoying the attention. Just the same as they did when their boyfriends beat them up in high school. Did they ask for it? No. Saying this, I don't wish or bad health on anyone. However the one thing I understand well about the sick and depressed is that they like to be cheered up.

There's no point in regrets. We live and we learn, there's no point in going back even if you've learned anything. We can't rewind and fix the past.

High School Reunions- are they worth the hype?

The only people I wanted to reunite with were those I liked and lost contact with through circumstance. I've actually climbed mountains and swam through oceans and hurdled volcanoes to see good friends.

So much happens in the time when you left high school. The hard part is that you're no longer the two kids you once were. Some people had a bad enough time that they would rather not revisit that stage in their lives. Others can't leave it. And of course, high school never ends.

Unfortunately you're not able to choose who you go to high school with. Unfortunately, I'm not exactly a white bred, corn fed mid-western type (I'm not caucasian) and I got stuck going to school with a bunch of two faced RACIST rednecks who thought they were better than every one else. It's actually quite depressing to see all of these people after 15 years. I'm fit. I look fine, I have a college degree, job, I have a lot going for me.

However, I left this little world to pursue ambitions of my own. Which was probably the best thing anyone can do in their young adult life. You avoid creating a lot of problems and ruining your life when you're focused and working on your goals. The people who lost their ambitions and goals got stuck, insecurity drags people down. Note the aforementioned backstabber,s vultures and thieves.

I don't care that anyone got fat, balded, etc. It sucked because when I'm FORCED to look back (because of the hype) I have nobody to relate to. I don't want to see fat, balding people. I want to see people who have genuinely found a reason to be happy with themselves. But they're not going to do it on my behalf, I have to come to terms with it.

Please allow me to express this. I live in a very diverse area of the country, over 100 languages are spoken where I now reside. I now live in an area where the envy may have spoken Cantoneese or a Hindu dialect before they learned English. I need to be around ambitious people, I too am ambitious and I want more for myself. I want a second degree and to grab our economic problems by the horns, I believe I know how.

But now, perpetual high school stalks us everywhere. This pointless pecking order insists on running the day. I don't understand this. At work, there's a pecking order for a real structure. It's not perfect, but you have a boss and a manager for a reason...to provide guidance. In high school, it's "social".

These guys have no degree, they can't see anything outside of themselves- it's well outside of their conciousness. I saw their friends' list on Facebook. Mind you, there are only 3% minorities at my highschool. 3%. I live in a city where over 100 languages are spoken daily. I can't relate to them already. I saw their friends' list on Facebook. The ONLY minorities they are friends with are from our high school. You know the trophy 2 out of 300 people.

The "popular role models" are still cracking racist jokes. In 2010. Out loud. In front of the minorities they're bullying. When that certain minority comes from a country that manhandled the US dollar.

So I already don't get any social benefits from these self appointed small town celebrities we went to high school with. Sorry, I need a diversified friend base. I prefer and enjoy a diversified friend base. White is fine, but white alone creeps me out. Even the few biracials have nothing but redneck white friends. On my Facebook account, 4 languages are spoken fluently (and there's more)- I have all races and my friends outside of high school have college degrees.

But I also don't get any other networking or professional benefits out of my high school friend base. The schooling there was weak. No seriously, my parents had me leave a better school before going to the high school I graduated from and I regret it. But after high school, can I get contacts or even network with people who can introduce you to someone that can help you get admitted into a university or a network to work on your career.

For the time and pressure spent on "fitting in" to this little clique, what is it really worth? If some people really think highly of themselves...you have to ask yourself, what's in it for me? What is going to make this worth my while?

Too many times, the answer is nothing.